Last year during Jack’s first cold and flu season, I did a pretty good job of avoiding most of the sniffles and coughs that Jack caught. Not this year – he’s in traditional day care this year, so he’s basically sitting in a brightly-colored Petrie dish all day. Today, I coughed up green blobs and then green blobs with red streaks. I can’t wait to see what color it is tomorrow – taste the rainbow!!!
I went to urgent care to make sure my lungs weren’t going to explode. The lab tech lady took some blood to check my white blood cells. Now, I have had my blood taken hundreds of times – that number is NOT an exaggeration. One time, a lab tech actually let me try to take my own blood because I knew the procedure better than she did.
So when this lady starts wiggling the needle to catch my rolling vein and I began getting shooting pains down my arm past the tourniquet, I mentioned it to her. And she said, “it’s just a tourniquet. Geez, is this your first time around needles?!?”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Lady. My medical record weighs more than your fat head. Take your shitty phlebotomy skills and shove them up your ass.
Yeah, I coughed on her.