Drunksgiving!

I drank two beers and quite a bit of cough medicine tonight! Because it seems my bronchitis is returning, and also I got an early start on my Thanksgiving tradition of wishing everyone would just BE QUIET or GO HOME or GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN or FUCK OFF ALREADY.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

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Pictures and stuff

I’m writing this in bed, from my phone. I had spent ten minutes composing a well-written, thought-provoking and deeply motivational post. Then the WordPress app crashed and I lost it. I would compose it again, but my prescription cough medicine/liquid heroin is about to kick in and I’ll be all 6’s and 7’s. So here are some Instagram goodies. Good nighttttttblarghblarvlat.

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I’m coughing up colors!!

Last year during Jack’s first cold and flu season, I did a pretty good job of avoiding most of the sniffles and coughs that Jack caught. Not this year – he’s in traditional day care this year, so he’s basically sitting in a brightly-colored Petrie dish all day. Today, I coughed up green blobs and then green blobs with red streaks. I can’t wait to see what color it is tomorrow – taste the rainbow!!!

I went to urgent care to make sure my lungs weren’t going to explode. The lab tech lady took some blood to check my white blood cells. Now, I have had my blood taken hundreds of times – that number is NOT an exaggeration. One time, a lab tech actually let me try to take my own blood because I knew the procedure better than she did.

So when this lady starts wiggling the needle to catch my rolling vein and I began getting shooting pains down my arm past the tourniquet, I mentioned it to her. And she said, “it’s just a tourniquet. Geez, is this your first time around needles?!?”

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Lady. My medical record weighs more than your fat head. Take your shitty phlebotomy skills and shove them up your ass.

Yeah, I coughed on her.

Too tired to keep my eyes open

I’m so tired that my eyes are stinging. That might be slightly somewhat possibly a little bit related to the fact that we just watched Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows, Part 2 and, just like in the theater, I cried my eyes out. There are a lot of problems I have with that movie, even though I know it could never live up to my expectations for it, but it still makes me cry and OMG BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH NERD NERD NERD NERD. Shut up, Karen.

I’m too tired to do a proper post, especially one about Jack’s birth story. So let’s see, what did I do today…. my friend Wuori, who has the world’s worst pick up lines and jokes, had some cleaning women scrubbing up his place today. He was on Twitter about it, so I dared him to give them a pick up line. He tried translating them in Spanish, especially the one about Sean Connery playing at Wimbledon. I told him that I’d give him the phone number of one of my brilliant younger sisters if he did… one of the HOT ASIAN TWINS. But I would need video proof. Sarah and Chrissy, your phone numbers are safe – I have still not received the video.

I don’t have a recent picture of these hot Asian twin sisters of mine, so an old photo will have to suffice. PS check out the cool-ass chick in the middle with the Dorothy Hamill haircut.

PS I put “HOT ASIAN TWINS” in the tags for this post, so I can’t wait to see what kind of spam I get.