My sweet darling innocent angelic baby boy Jack… Holy shit, why is bedtime such a power struggle, and why did you stop sleeping through the night? Remember those times when we’d put you to bed, and you’d go to sleep right away without a fuss? And then you’d sleep like a log until 6 am? THAT WAS AWESOME. Why did that have to end?
I tell you what, Jack. If you sleep through the night tonight, we can watch all the Elmo you want. If you sleep through the night for a week, I’ll dress up as Elmo and sing a “Sleep” song. If you sleep through the night for a month, I’ll find the real Elmo and arrange a meet and greet. If you sleep through the night until you go away to college, I’ll buy you a sportscar, and give it to you while dressed as Elmo and eating a disgusting, smelly, wet pickle.
If you don’t sleep through the night, you’re gonna have to get a job to pay for all this extra coffee and Tylenol.
3:59 am update: DAMNIT!!!
Last winter, when Jack would get sick with some sort of cold or virus, a “sick day” would mean snuggling on the sofa with him while watching Sesame Street. Since he has become a toddler, sick days are now sweat-filled tantrum marathons where his only source is comfort is throwing things at me while refusing naps.
I miss my cuddly, smiling, sweet angelic little boy who just wants to give hugs and clean his plate. He may have only existed for a few days a couple of weeks ago, but it was awesome.
I need to lie down.
Your baby… always photogenic, no matter what. Moms? Not so much. While I personally love you and think you look great with your under-eye circles, perhaps you’re reluctant to get in a photo with your baby. Especially when your baby is SO DAMN CUTE that you may look like an evil sleepy troll in comparison.
May I suggest using an app like Instagram or Hipstamatic? Because the best part of those nostalgic filters is how well they hide dark circles and zits. Observe:
Scrunchies make excellent baby toys. Loop one around their wrist or ankle and BAM! At least 90 seconds worth of entertainment, which is how long you need to go pee, wash your hands, and grab another Diet Coke because MY GOD is it already a long day.