Dear Jack: We Need Sleep

My sweet darling innocent angelic baby boy Jack… Holy shit, why is bedtime such a power struggle, and why did you stop sleeping through the night? Remember those times when we’d put you to bed, and you’d go to sleep right away without a fuss? And then you’d sleep like a log until 6 am? THAT WAS AWESOME. Why did that have to end?

I tell you what, Jack. If you sleep through the night tonight, we can watch all the Elmo you want. If you sleep through the night for a week, I’ll dress up as Elmo and sing a “Sleep” song. If you sleep through the night for a month, I’ll find the real Elmo and arrange a meet and greet. If you sleep through the night until you go away to college, I’ll buy you a sportscar, and give it to you while dressed as Elmo and eating a disgusting, smelly, wet pickle.

If you don’t sleep through the night, you’re gonna have to get a job to pay for all this extra coffee and Tylenol.

3:59 am update: DAMNIT!!!


Getting my ass kicked by a 15-month old

Last winter, when Jack would get sick with some sort of cold or virus, a “sick day” would mean snuggling on the sofa with him while watching Sesame Street. Since he has become a toddler, sick days are now sweat-filled tantrum marathons where his only source is comfort is throwing things at me while refusing naps.

I miss my cuddly, smiling, sweet angelic little boy who just wants to give hugs and clean his plate. He may have only existed for a few days a couple of weeks ago, but it was awesome.

I need to lie down.

Unsolicited advice: photos

Your baby… always photogenic, no matter what. Moms? Not so much. While I personally love you and think you look great with your under-eye circles, perhaps you’re reluctant to get in a photo with your baby. Especially when your baby is SO DAMN CUTE that you may look like an evil sleepy troll in comparison.

May I suggest using an app like Instagram or Hipstamatic? Because the best part of those nostalgic filters is how well they hide dark circles and zits. Observe:





Better, eh?